If, as George Lakoff says, we view politics through the metaphor of family, then Mother’s Day is a good time to ask the question: Where’s Mom in this picture? What are all those dirty socks and pizza boxes doing in the living room? (Seriously: it looks like a frat house in here.) Who’s been drinking the beer I hid in the basement fridge?
And, sweet mother of God: how did we end up letting the 16-year-old boys take over the entire household?
Make no mistake: all this Ayn Rand libertarian me-first-and-the-rest-of-you-go-to-hell stuff — the there’s-no-government-like-no-government theology that’s now being piously intoned as Holy Received Truth by everybody, male and female, in the GOP — is, very precisely, the kind of politics you’d come up with if you were a 16-year-old boy trying to explain away his dependence on Mom.
Parents? I don’t have any parents. I raised myself, on roots and berries and small vermin I dug up in vacant lots. That lady hanging around, feeding me and nagging me and picking up my socks and driving me to practice? She’s just the nanny state. That bitch. I hate her.
Society? There’s no such thing as society. There’s only what I want right now, which is the ultimate good in my universe. And what I want right now is more time on the XBox, pizza money, and the keys to the family car.
The future? If I pursue everything I want now, then the future will magically take care of its self. Dinner will appear. So will clean socks and the next-gen XBox.
Obligations? I am God’s gift to the world. I don’t owe it anything. In fact: it owes me — just for being so magnificent, cute and special. (Even my mom thinks so.)
On behalf of America’s mothers, let me say: I have had enough of this. I don’t care how cute they are: it’s high time these so-called “libertarian” freeloaders get off the couch, stand up, and show some respect to the rest of us who’ve done the hard work that makes their cushy lives possible.
You know what I want for Mother’s Day? I want these so-called “self-made men” to grow up and get a life.