Dr. Lori Buckley – www.DrLoriBuckley.com – returned to the program. Her book is “21 Decisions for Great Sex & A Happy Relationship,” available on AMAZON. For this show edition we did not talk about sex…This is unusual for us – as friends and colleagues! We spoke about loss: the ending of a relationship – whether through death, divorce, or the ending of a committed, romantic coupleship. Dr. Lori lost her partner Alan six months ago in a Thailand traffic accident. Dr. Diana’s late husband Charlie died a number of years ago of a heart attack – one that was totally unexpected. Dr. Lori’s healing journey has been profound, transforming; what she knows for sure is “Cherish every moment!” Don’t just say Carpe diem, but declare Carpe vitam – seize the life! Both of us are now familiar with grief – personally and clinically. Leaning toward – not away – from the pain will help you heal. To lean toward the pain, when you are feeling bad, stop and allow yourself to feel the emotion by talking to someone or writing about it. Sadness makes you more rational, your thinking more concrete. Accepting sadness can, ironically , lower depression. While you never look for grief, it’s one of the hugest growing experiences you’ll ever have. It deepens you as a human being. Please listen to this show. Dr. Lori is especially articulate and passionate! You can benefit from the wisdom gleaned.
Sheri Winston is a celebrated sexuality teacher, an award-winning author and a medical professional who brings over two decades of experience as a certified nurse-midwife and gynecology practitioner. Her book “Succulent Sex Craft” is available on AMAZON; but, you’ll also want to check out her website www.IntimateArtsCenter.com. Sheri and Dr. Diana focused on solo-sex – and solo sex skills. While we avoided the word “masturbation,” we acknowledged that it is the primary form of sexual expression. It’s not just for kids or for those in between lovers or for old people who end up alone. Self-pleasuring is a way for all of us to learn about sexual response. Sexual skills are like any other skills; they’re not magically inherited, they have to be learned. Sheri has many tools, as well as many words of wisdom: “The ascent into self love celebrates your desire, hones your abilities and ultimately honors yourself.” Part 2 with Sheri will be on September 27th. Please turn in for both shows – for lots of stimulating information!
Dr. Dudley Danoff, MD, a world renowned urologist, returned to the program for the ninth time. His book is “The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health – How to Stay Vital at Any Age” (www.theultimateguidetomenshealth.com). The main focus of this program was porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). A growing number of young men are convinced that their sexual responses have been …
What is Narcissism? It’s not ego or self-love; it’s self-loathing, envy, insecurity. Ross Rosenberg helped us unravel narcissism and closely related behaviors. He is considered an international expert in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and codependency. His book “The Human Magnet Syndrome” (www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com) has sold over 30,000 copies – and his second book “The Codependency Cure” is to be published next …
What about male sexual desires and porn?
What Do Men Really Want? There’s the stereotype, and there’s the reality. But the reality about what men want in women and from women is getting more complex by the minute. Men and their motives are evolving! Brad Coates is especially evolved – and the author of “DIVORCE with DECENCY” 4th Edition – (www.CoatesandFrey.com). Brad and Dr. Diana, friends for some 17 years – discussed the physical and emotional make-up of a man, the economics and careers, and men’s passages through the life cycle. The differences in men’s and women’s brains plays an important role, of course. Both men and women want love and sex…Tune-in to hear about the complexities involved. Part 2, August 2nd, will explore how men fare in relationships, romance, and sexuality.
Dr. Diana’s good friend and famous columnist April Masini (www.AskApril.com – where 26 thousand questions have been answered) had a very interactive discussion. Diana’s fiance Bryan called in because he also contributed to the piece – especially the “Synch Up” idea. This is where a skilled lover plugs into a woman’s breath and pelvic thrusts, following her lead. Listening to her vocalizations can be helpful because there may be a pattern. Bryan added that paying real attention to the woman’s pleasure pays off. His philosophy: Worship your woman and the Goddess will reward you! April asked Dr. Diana how she coaches guys who want more high-desire women. Women often need time to decompress (and feel safe) – so giving a massage first really works. It’ll be a turn-on for him to see her naked, and his caresses will release oxytocin. Later, put on some music and dance! Show appreciation: saying what you really value and appreciate about her. Also, paying attention works while actively listening. Pure, non-distracted attention is so seductive and very affirming! April also asked about ways to spice things up, avoiding the same-old, same-old. Engage all your senses – smell, hearing, touch, taste and sight. Light scented candles, play pulsating music, put fresh sheets on the bed, feed each other sensual foods, watch erotic films, wear sexy lingerie, dance, and smell your partner. Sensual sex can extend your pleasure! There’s lots more: tune-in for a most stimulating program, and read the article linked below.
April interviewed Diana. She had done this recently for a collaborative article – http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/126_love_secrets.html .
The dirty little secret of many long-term relationships is that intimacy is great, but sex is a chore. The program’s topic: SEXUALITY and AGING was explored by Dr. Diana and her guest Lou Paget (www.LouPaget.com). Lou is a Certified Sex Educator, an international bestselling author of five books, and has been called “…a one-woman sexual revival.” Recent research in the field of aging and sexuality is sparse. Even Dr. Diana’s research in this area with Walter Bortz, MD was in the early 90’s – later published in two medical journals. In this era of 40 million Americans, of all ages, being in sexless marriages, rampant low sexual desire and dysfunctions, it is time to better integrate sensual touch. The true indicator of a healthy long-term relationship is not how often your partner touches you, but how often your partner touches you in response to your touch. The stronger the reciprocity, the more likely someone is to report emotional intimacy. But, many older folks don’t have a partner. Lou and Diana talked about touch hunger. Many older retirement residences need to accommodate late-in-life romances with more privacy. And, therapeutic massage can be healing and pleasurable! As for intercourse, sex can be satisfying without it, and many learn to appreciate the rich range of experiences sex has to offer. There’s more, of course. Tune in!
Sex after sexual abuse. Is recovery possible? Absolutely! This show’s focus was on men reclaiming healthy sexuality – but there are many cross-overs for women. Sexual abuse is harmful regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or of the victim. Marc Gilmartin – www.MarcGilmartin.com – is a licensed mental health counselor, a certified sex therapist and group psychotherapist with a private practice in Bellevue, Washington. For boys, non-consensual sex is about one in six. One faulty path arrived at is the belief that if any part of it was pleasurable, it wasn’t really abuse. The body is hardwired for pleasure; thus, the victim may believe his body betrayed him. Beginning to get therapy, one male sexual survivor said, “I want to put up a sign that says ‘closed for repairs.’” Marc also spoke about the Kinsey Institute’s dual control model of sexual response: excitability and inhibition. The program is filled with helpful information! There is individual, and group counseling available. Here are two excellent book resources: “Victims No Longer” by Mike Lew, and “The Courage to Heal” by Ellen Bass. Marc Gilmartin illuminated a number of pathways toward healing!
Gail Scott returned for a third time to the program – sharing her personal trauma to triumph story. When people say, “I have trust issues,” what do they really mean? Gail (www.GailScottinc.com) and Dr. Diana spoke about how great relationships are based on trust, and in order to build that bond we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be truly seen and deeply known, flaws and all – is actually the surest route to intimacy. FEAR can play a negative role…(Gail’s acronym is False Evidence Appearing Real). Fears often come up in sex which work against truly letting go! Stories are told in your head – based on past experiences where you were shamed or worse. Relationships can help you repair bad things that happened to you in the past; even nurturing relationships later in life can rewrite the neural scripts from childhood. When Gail was divorced she made a list and gradually became the list by looking in the mirror to see what she was attracting. Self-images can be deceiving…Think how other’s perceptions and your perception might differ. Life choices and self-improvement can open us to the potential bounty of our lives!