Sex after sexual abuse. Is recovery possible? Absolutely! This show’s focus was on men reclaiming healthy sexuality – but there are many cross-overs for women. Sexual abuse is harmful regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or of the victim. Marc Gilmartin – www.MarcGilmartin.com – is a licensed mental health counselor, a certified sex therapist and group psychotherapist with a private practice in Bellevue, Washington. For boys, non-consensual sex is about one in six. One faulty path arrived at is the belief that if any part of it was pleasurable, it wasn’t really abuse. The body is hardwired for pleasure; thus, the victim may believe his body betrayed him. Beginning to get therapy, one male sexual survivor said, “I want to put up a sign that says ‘closed for repairs.’” Marc also spoke about the Kinsey Institute’s dual control model of sexual response: excitability and inhibition. The program is filled with helpful information! There is individual, and group counseling available. Here are two excellent book resources: “Victims No Longer” by Mike Lew, and “The Courage to Heal” by Ellen Bass. Marc Gilmartin illuminated a number of pathways toward healing!
Gail Scott returned for a third time to the program – sharing her personal trauma to triumph story. When people say, “I have trust issues,” what do they really mean? Gail (www.GailScottinc.com) and Dr. Diana spoke about how great relationships are based on trust, and in order to build that bond we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be truly seen and deeply known, flaws and all – is actually the surest route to intimacy. FEAR can play a negative role…(Gail’s acronym is False Evidence Appearing Real). Fears often come up in sex which work against truly letting go! Stories are told in your head – based on past experiences where you were shamed or worse. Relationships can help you repair bad things that happened to you in the past; even nurturing relationships later in life can rewrite the neural scripts from childhood. When Gail was divorced she made a list and gradually became the list by looking in the mirror to see what she was attracting. Self-images can be deceiving…Think how other’s perceptions and your perception might differ. Life choices and self-improvement can open us to the potential bounty of our lives!
Only the language of touch can fully express what we feel – during ecstatic moments of joy or love, but also in moments of intense grief or fear. Carl Frankel (www.CarlFrankel.com) returned to the program. Dr. Diana and Carl focused on his TOUCH chapter written with Joseph Kramer in this amazing, informative book “Secrets of the Sex Masters.” Our sense of touch is essential to our survival. The conversation looked at how sensual discovery can be the goal! Sensuality is characterized by full absorption in the moment-to-moment experience of the senses. There are different sorts of touches: nurturing, therapeutic, sensual and erotic – and the progression is important! Good communication is mandatory. Carl Frankel is an intellectual – but he also has high E.Q. Tune in for a fascinating program!
April Masini (www.AskApril.com) and Dr. Diana enjoyed another provocative, informative discussion – their first in 2016. The numbers alone confirm her popularity: the Ask April advice column and interactive relationship advice forum is where almost 26 thousand questions have been posted and answered; she has 1.4 million Twitter followers and more than 620 thousand Facebook fans. The conversation began with an article and April’s interview within it – “Staying hot for hubby is essential for a successful marriage.” This created a firestorm of controversy! Some responding women said, “Men should love women for who they are, as opposed to what they look like.” Why does it have to be either or? Men are usually more visual. We discussed the possibilities of being anti-feminist and perhaps old fashioned. April did another interview with the Wall Street Journal regarding the male/female roles in dating and who should pay for dates. The pursuit of sex model of dating is really what informs much of these dynamics. The conversations extended to self-acceptance as well as love and power. Tune-in for a fascinating 60 minutes!
Gail Scott, a certified Coach and speaker (www.GailScottInc.com) returned to the program. Her father molestation created much trauma, setting her on a journey for sexual healing. Important steps involved learning about Tantric sexuality – exploring the body as a sacred temple, and doing more for herself (speaking up, slowing down) as she has continued to heal. Dr. Diana and Gail discussed how sex is the life energy that flows through the body and its energy centers (chakras) – heart, head, pelvis and so on. Partners can learn to channel this energy and ride it to maximum pleasure! This is an inspiring conversation. Tune in to learn more!
Marc Gilmartin (www.MarcGilmartin.com) has a unique specialization: working with adult men with sexual abuse histories, who may be erotically conflicted. The focus for this show was on porn literacy. We discussed: why call it porn; is it bad or good; is it sex education or entertainment; what does porn teach us? Dr. Diana and Marc talked about all of this and more! Porn may be a little like gun control – we should mainly be concerned with the state of mind of the guy pulling the trigger. If a man is feeling turned on, porn becomes a way of escaping from the relationship rather than just a harmless way to blow off some sexual steam.
Brad Coates, author of “DIVORCE with DECENCY” knows a thing or two about romance. He has been a frequent guest on this show and today we focused on what women want…female needs, desires, and behavior in romantic relationships. His book states, “Women want to hear ‘I love you and I understand.’ A man wants to hear ‘That makes sense,’ indicating a linear thought process.” It is really about your responsiveness to your partner’s emotions – and this responsiveness is what makes a relationship feel fair. Underlying this element is respect. Brad and I spoke about the trend that more single people are staying that way, not getting married. In fact, many more women are not re-marrying after a divorce. For those who do stay married and want help, I often talk about couples putting more play back into their relationship. Brad and I expanded on this idea – and more. Listen, please! (www.divorcewithdecency.com)
Role play and fantasy are two great ways to get closer to your partner. For one, they involve a certain degree of trust because opening up about a sexual fantasy can be scary. And with role play, you really have to be comfortable with another person to pretend to be someone else. Carl Frankel has a chapter in his book “Secrets of the Sex Masters” called “Fantasy, Role Play and Communication.” (www.CarlFrankel.com) Carl’s position is that no are no mind crimes; this led to a discussion about “bad” fantasies – as in unacceptable. Between a couple consent is the rule! This is where communication is so important…You may feel really vulnerable. Dr. Diana and Carl got off topic here and there: it was fun! Improv is great for anyone to do…Don’t negate your partner. Say Yes and. To quote Carl, “Fantasy and role play are wonderful personal growth opportunities if you embrace them in that spirit…Have fun with your fantasies and with the people you play with. Giggling is encouraged…but optional. ” I encourage you to listen to this wise, informative program!
Laura Corn is the author of nine books – all interactive versions of “101 Nights of Grrreat Sex – Secret Sealed Seductions for Loving Couples” – and have sold millions of copies (www.101Nights.com or www.LauraCorn.com ). The interview is fascinating! Hers is a book you don’t read…rather, you do, and her erotic equation is: anticipation and creativity = great sex! Laura also has a seductive APP through Apple. Dr. Diana and her guest discussed what that means. We also talked about the number one sexual complaint of couples; why couples may know how to spice up their relationship and still don’t do it. SEDUCTION is the key to a long term great sex life. Listen to this show! Laura will return soon for a Part 2.
Dr. Dudley Danoff MD, a world renowned urologist returned to the program for the eighth time (www.TheUltimateGuidetoMaleSexualHeath.com). For everything you’ve wanted to know about PREMATURE EJACULATION and ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION please listen to this show! Dr. Danoff and Dr. Diana discussed what’s “normal,” how to get checked, what helps, medications that may work, and the influence of stress/anxiety. The female partner may worry that her man no longer finds her attractive – or may be having an affair. Others become dissatisfied with the frequency or quality of their sex lives; so, sex becomes a stressor. As a result, some couples just avoid the subject – and the act – entirely. Dr. Danoff has been in practice for over 40 years; as a result, he has some excellent advice for PE, ED, as well as for relationships and communication! Listening to this program and getting his book could be life changing for your sexual relationship!